There is a Japanese art called Kintsugi.
Kintsugi is the art of repairing broken pottery with gold dusted lacquer to repair it. The philosophy behind it is to treat the breakage and show it as part of the history of the object, rather than disguise it or throw it away. Once finished, the broken pottery is shining with gold in all the cracks. The Japanese believe that the history of an object makes it more beautiful.
I’ve dropped a plate before, and it shattered on the ground in dozens of pieces. It looked irreparable to me, and I threw it away. But what if instead I had worked to repair it? What if I had gathered all those pieces together and patiently glued them back together with gold dusted glue? What if I then displayed it proudly, showing that what once was broken I had worked so hard to make beautiful again? What if my formerly normal average plate became a work of pride, despite once being shattered? What if the damage shone beautifully on the plate, like a work of art?
My heart felt like that damaged plate after my initial diagnosis with MRKH. It felt shattered into so many pieces and just that like the plate, it seemed irreparable to me. I threw it away… I threw myself away. I couldn’t see how a person I saw as irreparably damaged could ever be beautiful.
Eventually though, my heart refused to be ignored. And I began working on repairing my heart. With the help of family, friends, and the support of my MRKH sisters I painstakingly gathered those pieces and put them back together. I filled my cracks with gold. And just like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, I came out on the other side shining more brightly and beautiful than before. When I think of my heart now I like to see it with gold filled cracks representing the hard work of the repairs I have made to it. There is a deep crack representing my MRKH diagnosis. There are also cracks representing other difficult and challenging times in my life. But those cracks are not beyond repair. They just need a little work, and a little patience, to turn them into something beautiful.
Your heart is worth the time. You are worth the time.